Wednesday, February 29, 2012


Even just have too much to deal with?

I think it's just becoming too much right now. Working full time, full time mothering when I get home and on weekends, trying to keep up with the house, yard and garden, painting my house, trying to keep to a healthy diet and cook all my meals, and play the occasional video game or read some books. That sounds like a lot. Throw in a strange and troubling medical problem (actually 3 separate ones, one of which sent me to an emergency clinic this past weekend, only to be told they didn't know what caused the troubling symptom), and finally throw in an almost debilitating fatigue over the past few days.

It all became too much tonight. Oh, nothing drastic happened. I just laid down in Declan's room and refused to open my eyes while I had a little pity party for myself for 5 minutes and tried very hard not to yell at him.

Feeling very sorry for myself that we don't have anyone here to help us take care of our little guy. He's sweet, but he also is a handful and needy and I'm always trying to choose between playing with him and making sure he's not watching too much tv or playing video games, and trying to make myself believe that he needs time to play by himself while I lay on the couch.

Literally last night, it was all I could do to get out of the house and go to dinner. Then trying to give him his bath was very tiring. I almost didn't even have the energy to take a dirty dish to the sink.

Today, I splurged and ate waaaay too many chocolate covered espresso beans (I have no self restraint right now) but I felt great all afternoon. Had plenty of energy, so much so that I came home a little early and made homemade mozarrella cheese since I had enough energy to stand at the stove for 45 minutes tonight. But at Declan's bedtime, it was all gone again.

Wish there was someone I could ask that could really understand what was going on? I mean, am I having allergy problems due to the high pollen count right now? Is it something as esoteric and adrenal fatigue and needs a better medical intervention? Is it related to my weird and troubling medical symptoms from this weekend?

I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself and want some free time. ACtually found myslf in bed at 9:30 tonight. Maybe I can find time to get 8 hours of sleep tonight and feel much better tomorrow.

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